Yes, We Will Survive Earthquakes, Cougars

Cougars and earthquakes, oh my!

When I first heard about a cougar on the loose, I thought to myself, well yeah, that happens all the time. There are cougars all over the place stalking the not so innocent.Then I realized they were talking about an actual cougar. Hours later, the news broke that a cop shot and killed the cougar.

Again, my thoughts were about a wild and crazy cougar (not the animal) on the prowl, who was so wild and so full of passion that she had to be put down. Then I remembered they were talking about the animal cougar, and not the other kind of cougar. (The term “cougar” is given to an older woman who goes to bars and clubs, hoping to feast on innocent young men like prey).
A few days later, there was an earthquake in the southern part of the state. Now I was sleeping and did not wake up. Honestly, I don’t think a marching band playing outside my room would wake me up.

The earthquake was felt in Indianapolis, St. Louis, Milwaukee and, from one report I read, all the way down to Florida.

Don’t you just love those people who will tell you they were woken up by the earthquake and their whole room started shaking, dressers were falling down, windows exploded and their dog was barking? For hours. I never believe most of those people. I’m sure there are plenty of us out there who did feel the earthquake, and did not know what was going on, which is always a scary situation.

I’m surprised I didn’t hear anyone talk about how the earthquake was a sign that God was unhappy with us, and it was his way of warning us. Because usually, when events like this happen, people start screaming that it’s the end of the world as we know it, and that Armageddon is upon us.

I don’t think Armageddon is upon us. Other strange occurrences would have to happen besides earthquakes like “tornadoes, volcanoes, fire and brimstone, human sacrifices, cats and dogs living together, Mass Hysteria!,” to quote Bill Murray from “Ghostbusters.”The other thing I am sick of already is all these scientific reports that usually follow an event like this, and already we have heard our fair share of warnings.

Some state that if the fault in Illinois shifted, the earthquake could be just as dangerous or more dangerous than the fault in California. Other sites, including Seattle, are overdue for an earthquake that could destroy the city, which could create another terrible tsunami in Asia.
Moving on to something else that bothers me is celebrities who have to announce — like it’s a big deal and we actually care what they think — who they are endorsing for president. Honestly, does anybody care who some actor/musician/celebrity/reality star wants to win the office? I sure don’t.

I hate when they make a big deal about it and go on talk shows and talk about how great this particular candidate is and then throw in the plug for their new album or movie. No one cares what you think.

Instead, stop telling us who you are going to endorse, just play your guitar or read your script and stop using your celebrity status to try and get fans to vote for the candidate you want to win.

Speaking of presidential candidates and celebrities, if Barack Obama wins, I think the first person he should thank is Jeri Ryan, the television star and ex-wife of Jack Ryan. Jack Ryan had to drop out of the 2004 Illinois Senate race, where he was running as a Republican against Obama, because of an alleged sex scandal involving Ryan and his ex-wife.

If Obama wins, forget thanking Oprah or those people. Obama should thank Jeri Ryan and the judge that let those custody hearing records get out. If not for those records getting out, who knows if Obama would have won that race against Ryan.

(Chuck Salvatore is a reporter for the Southwest News-Herald. He may be reached at chucksalvatore@hotmail.com or (773) 476-4800, ext. 241. Also, don’t forget to listen to his “White Sox and Sports Report” every Friday on “The Out ‘N’ About” talk show with Ron and Joe from 2 to 3:30 p.m. on WJJG AM 1530.)

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