sex in the news and scientology

I've actually have been writing jokes but not posting them on this blog. I don't know why, oh yeah it's cause I feel like I have no time. I mean work and looking for a new job, exercising like crazy and trying to maintain somewhat of a social life. Hey I hear Ryan Bruan has been suspended for the rest of the 2013 season. Somewhere Pete Rose is saying, "fuck I just should have cheated."

You will see some of these jokes are a little dated, I wrote them over the last two weeks but just kept forgetting to post them on this site.

*British Prime Minster David Cameron in a sure way not to get re-elected announced he is going after porn web sites which is "corroding childhood." But he said don't worry he will keep up the sites that post pictures of Pippa's ass!

*KTVU in Oakland CA, issued an apology after they wrongfully broadcasted fake names for the pilots of Asiana Flight 214, which crashed last week. KTVU claims an intern at the National Transportation Safety Board confirmed the names: Sum Ting Wong, Wi Tu Lo, Ho Lee Fuk and Bang, Ding Ow. KTVU reporters are now tweeting out: Wi Fukd Up, Nee Nu Job and Wi Ben Suid.

*Lenin Carballido, was elected as the Mayor of Mexico City but is in trouble after a fake death certificate turned up that his family members used to pass to authorities to get Carballiao out of a warrant for a gang rape. The statue of limitations are not up on the gang rape. Mexican President, Enrique Pena Nieto said he expects Mexican politicians to act in a responsible and respectful manor, not like those in the U.S. with these “Chicago-like politics.”

*A Chicago nightclub was cited for allowing an underage Justin beiber in the 21 and older club, Chicago police arrived on the scene to find Beiber drinking alcohol. No word on if the United Nations will cite Justin’s parents for allowing him to become the world’s biggest douche.

*Dora Anna Gutierrez was arrested for taping 3-pounds of cocaine to her ass, an estimated worth of $24,000 in Arizona. She was trying to sneak the drugs into Arizona at the U.S. Mexican border. Police became suspicious when she told them she was doing an impression of a dog but literally began licking her own ass, for five minutes.

*Pope Francis has made a law that prohibits adults from sexually or physically abusing children on Vatican grounds.  As for the Churches, rectories or other grounds that Priests may be in, the Pope said the Vatican will continue its “no tell” policy.

*Actress Leah Remini, star of King of Queen, has reportedly quit the Church of Scientology after years of “interrogations” and questing the cult’s leader David Miscavige. E News, Biography Channel and 60 Minutes are all already starting to prep on the disappearance and death of Remini for when she goes missing and is found dead, if her body is found. Tom Cruise has already issued a statement saying, “I’ve never heard of her, never saw any t.v. show she was in and you will never she whoever this girl again.” That tweet was deleted and replaced with “Leah, you will be missed…RIP.” Tom is also demanding that all reruns of King of Queens, have Leah replaced with another actress.  John Travolta was asked for a comment and he said, “I don’t know that young man and I never paid him for sex.”

*Sarah Palin announced she is considering a US Senate run in 2014. The good news is that if elected it will guarantee a sequel to highly popular movie about Ms. Palin. Rumors are already circulating about the name: “Nalin Palin double penetration” “Nailin Palin, cums back for more” “Nailin Pailin, fucks Washington” or “Nailin Pailin, takes on D(icks).(&) C(um).” (figure out how to pronounce that yourself)

Either way, Julianne Moore better get a lot of money for that sequel, she is going to have more dicks in her than New York elected officials tweet out.

*Did Geraldo Rivera really just tweeting a half nude shot of himself, tell him when you look like Grampa from the Simpsons you shouldn't be tweeting out half naked pics. Actually no joke the 70 year old looks like he really takes care of himself and works out and eat right. If I had a body like that at 70, I would tweet out pics too. Who am I kidding, if I had a body like that now I would tweet out pics. So Geraldo, good for you, fuck them...although you could have pulled the towel up just a little...

Okay, I'm out. Hopefully I will post soon... but just in case have a happy Halloween!