Yeah, At It Again

So I know I never update this blog and I've said a thousand times that I was going to try and do it again only to fail. So here is my latest attempt at resurrecting by previously-non-existent blogging career.


I give you some headline news jokes, from the last week. Most are awful, some are funny. But this was hard after not doing it for a long time. Hey, again, it's funnier then Leno. All of the news items were actual stories I found somewhere online.

A man in New Mexico was arrested and charged with solicitation for picking up a woman on the side of the road, buying her McDonald’s and heading to a nearby park to have sex with the woman. I just hope there was no special sauce on those two beef patties.

Scientists say they have found a way to cure alcoholism. Scientists used hypnosis-like suggestions and implanted the memory of the worst hangover known to man, the subject friends pretent to remember the night as well. The results of the project were not expected, when all six subject starting using cocaine and went to twitter to quit their job on two and a half men

Justin Beiber tweeted after visiting the Ann Frank museum about Ann being a fan. Beiber tweeted saying that it was inspiring to be at the museum and “Ann was a great girl. Hopefully she would have been a belieber.” Beiber also said, Ann would have been cool with Beiber, but the bitch Helen Keller wouldn’t have been a Beliber.

A Detroit professor said that Catholics who promote same sex marriages should not receive holy Communion, saying it would “logically bring shame for a double-dealing that is not unlike perjury. But Catholic priests who molest little boys are still good to pass out Holy Communion.

Two infants were diagnosed with herpes and one with HIV after being circumcised in New York. The ultra-Orthodox Jewish ceremony includes the Mohel (practitioner) places his mouth around the penis to “cleanse” the wound and suck away the blood. According to new doctrine, priests are now allowed to fuck little children complaining of upset stomachs so the priests can clean the passageway with his cum.

A Phoenix firefighter is suing the city for sexual harassment. The officer said after complaining of graffiti in the firehouse he was subjected to an interoffice mail with penis and vagina pasts and his name on the vagina noodle. The city of Phoenix issued a statement saying, “We wish this never got to this point but we feel this firefighter is an even bigger pussy that before.

Students in India have developed “rape prevention underwear.” The underwear features GPS technology and can deliver a 3,800 volt of electricity, which is located near the woman’s breasts. Wow so much for getting to second base on the first date, I mean what if the girl spills water of herself.

Christopher Abbott is leaving the HBO girls. Now if we can only get the viewing audience to follow.

A Bronx woman was stabbed 40 times this week when an intruder attacked her in the stair case of her building. She told police the reason she believe she survived was because she doesn’t drink large soda pops.

Target upset customer by selling a plus size dress a “manatee gray.” Yes, they also announced “elephant light gray, hippopotamus blue and kim kardashian fat carmel.”

A man in the U.K. was arrested for “intoxicated” driving because he was listening to drum and bass. U.K. officials also said they will be arresting those listening to Kenny G with sleeping while driving and disturbing the peace.